i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
