As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
