I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
