If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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