i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
