Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
