Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
