I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
