My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
from now on my penis is your penis
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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