In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
His nipple licking is glorious
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