I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
