She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
