I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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