You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The Olympian is in my bed
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
