party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
