What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
