the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
