this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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