It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
