Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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