I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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