I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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