Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
