i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
