Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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