The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
