dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
COCAINE IS GR8
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
