I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
