Soap is not a condiment
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
