Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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