Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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