I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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