Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
