Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
