so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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