I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
