I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I am midnight drunk by noon
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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