So drunk, too bad you don't want this
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
