She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
