They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
