drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
