They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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