dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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