dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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