Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
