bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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