We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Randomize
