Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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