Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
