I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
