If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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