just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Houston, we have a blender
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
